You Don’t Have Baggage. You Have Models

Video Transcript

All these people keep telling you have “baggage.” well let me be the first to tell you.

You don’t.

You have models.

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Because somewhere along the line,
you learned how love works.

How to get it.
How to keep it.

How to protect yourself when it didn’t show up.

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And that learning didn’t come from a textbook.
It came from your body.

From watching a mom shut down when she was overwhelmed.
From a dad who only touched you after yelling regardless of what that meant.
From silence that felt like punishment.
From affection that came after achievement.

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So now, in your relationship…
you’re not reacting to your partner.

You’re reenacting the rules.

Rules you never agreed to.
Rules you didn’t even know were being written.

You don’t know how to be loved without performing.
You don’t know how to be seen without proving.
You don’t know how to be close without fear.

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And that’s not because you’re broken.
That’s because the mirror you were raised with was warped.

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You didn’t get reflection.
You got distortion.
You got invisibility.
Or obligation.
Or guilt.

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So now when someone says:
“I see you.”

You don’t trust it.
You filter it.
You test it.

Because your model says:

“If they really see me… they’ll leave.”
“If I need too much… I’ll be too much.”
“If I show weakness… I’ll be punished for it later.”

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And this is the part no one tells you:
When you’ve only known love as survival,
then safety feels suspicious.

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So now you’re in a relationship that looks nothing like your past,
but your body is still stuck in it.

Still bracing.
Still proving.
Still pleading.

That’s not a character flaw.
That’s a trauma-patterned love model.

And if your partner has one too?
You’re not just dating.
You’re negotiating nervous systems.

You’re bumping into each other’s pasts
every time you try to build a future.

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So listen:
You don’t need to “heal faster.”
You don’t need to “be better.”

You need to name the model.

It’s okay to say:

“This was never mine. It was given to me.”
“And I don’t need to keep building with it.”

You’re not hard to love.
You’re just learning how to receive a love that doesn’t make you earn it.

That’s not baggage.
That’s architecture in a world already caved in around you.